Regret Read online

  My laugh comes out as a choked sob. What is pride when it’s at the cost of your heart?

  Everything I’ve kept shackled inside, all the pain, the anger, and the confusion break free as he wraps me in his hold and rolls to his back. I smile through my tears, so fucking happy despite the fact I’m finally allowing myself to fall apart, touched when he pulls the covers over us both to cocoon me against him.

  I’m once again where I belong, small and safe in his hold.

  “Never letting you go again,” he murmurs into my hair. “You’re not going anywhere, dove. I’ve got you, baby. I’ve always got you.”

  I believe him. I believe every word he says, because what sane person would put themselves through the heartache, the sense of incompletion that we’ve been going through?

  “What now?”

  He strokes the hair from my cheek and pulls his head back to see my face. “As in, right now? Or…?”

  “Both.” I lift up to my elbows. “I need to let Dad know where I am; he’s probably out of his mind.”

  “True.” Zeus lifts an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t want to piss the old man off from the get-go.”

  I chuckle as I untangle myself from him. “I think we already did that.” I cross the room naked as the day I was born, and head out to the living room to retrieve my bag.

  Zeus lies on the bed with a smirk as I re-enter.

  “What?”

  “Just mentally slapping myself for being one lucky motherfucker.”

  I crawl over the covers to straddle him, my arousal piquing at the sensation of skin on skin with him. “Maybe we’re both lucky?”

  He hums as his hands track my thighs. I scroll through my phone, trying to ignore the thumbs that tease the outer folds of my pussy as I message Dad. If only he knew what I was doing while I typed this.

  B: Been invited out for the night last minute. Home tomorrow xx

  “What did you say?”

  I turn the phone so Zeus can read the message.

  “You don’t have to keep it a secret from him.” Something flickers behind his eyes, something that tells me there’s more to his statement.

  “What did you do?”

  He grins as I set my phone aside.

  “Tell me.” I lean forward, hands braced on his chest, and roll my hips over his thickening length.

  “You aren’t being fair.” His fingers dig into my flesh, trying to still me.

  I roll them again, loving the strained groan that he gives. “Tell me, or I put some wet clothes back on this body and walk my arse home.”

  “Dove….”

  “Zeus….”

  He gives a frustrated grunt and shuts his eyes. “I paid your old man a visit today.”

  Oh, fuck. “You didn’t get into a damn fight again, did you?”

  He chuckles, his erection still growing beneath me. “Nope. Not this time.” Zeus smacks a flat palm to my arse. “Why did you stop?”

  My smile is wide as I roll my hips again, this time tracing his chest with my hands as I do. I love that I can pull this desperation from him, this need. I love that I enjoy what comes after, love having a man who’s eager to please me as much as I am him.

  All the reasons why my relationship with Damien was doomed from the start hit me with clarity as I trace the section of clean skin where Zeus wants his tattoo.

  “You’ve gone dark again,” he muses, pulling me from my thoughts with a hand to my chin.

  “Regretting the lost years, is all.”

  He shakes his head, forcing my hips to rock with his hands. “Well, don’t. Because if you keep working me up and then stopping like you are, I might not be such a nice guy.”

  I shake my head clear and go back to where I left off badgering him. “So?”

  “So,” he mimics, eyes narrowed.

  “What did you say to my dad?”

  He grins, seemingly happy that I’ve shaken my bad mood. “Said you were a grown woman, dove. And if you wanted a future with me, I would be the last person to stop you.”

  “And he was okay with that?” I can’t believe they discussed me without somebody getting knocked out again.

  Zeus grimaces. “Not exactly.” His eyes hold mine as he adds, “But then you know that, since you already spoke to him, don’t you?”

  I frown, even though the feel of his thick cock sliding into me turns my body to jelly. “He told me to stay away from you. That he wouldn’t allow me to tell you how I feel.”

  “Told me the same thing.” He punches his hips, holding me steady with the grip on my arse. “Right before I told him I didn’t give a fuck what he thought.” I groan as he fills me again, rough, forceful. “Told him I’d go after you anyway.” My eyes slip closed as he thrusts harder, sharper. “Told him I had no future without you, that you’re my girl whether you saw it that way or not.”

  I gasp as he claims me, the intention of his words echoed in his movements. “And what if I’d turned you away?”

  “I would have waited however long it took for you to come around, dove.” My muscles twitch with the force of his thrust. “I would have waited forever.”

  He rolls us both as our movements become frantic. I need him in every sense: I need to hear him, taste him, feel him. I need him in me, over me, around me, and with me.

  I need Zeus more than I ever have.

  And as though sensing that, or perhaps because he feels the same, he delivers. I cry out with my pleasure, lost to the moment as he takes my body with such rough possessiveness and yet delicate care all at once. My throat burns as I grasp for breath, my muscles already aching as he fills me and stretches me.

  Yet it’s not enough. He said he would have waited forever, but I need forever. Nothing will make me rue the loss of the past three years, no achievement, no milestone. I wasted years trying to make a man love me, trying to make a man fill the void that only Zeus could erase.

  I wasted too many years, even if it was only three.

  I’m never going to waste another day.

  “Belle, baby,” Zeus pants as he slams into me from behind. “Move in with me.” He pulls out and flips me over, holding my face in his hands as he re-enters me. “Come home.”

  Words won’t come, my throat too thick with emotion. So I nod instead. Nod like a fucking dashboard puppy as he rocks his hips into me and claims me once more.

  I went halfway around the world, and it took coming home again to realise that I was never lost.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Zeus

  The setting sun casts a warm glow over the street as I sit astride the bike and wait for Belle to finish. Mud cakes my boots, my work clothes still on since I didn’t have time to head home first.

  It’s been a week since I set my worries aside and did what I wanted, everyone else be fucked. A week of her staying at my place almost every night. She’s pretty much moved in, so tonight we make it official.

  The lights reflect off the door of the shop when she walks out to meet me. Arms folded across my chest, I smile as she checks both ways and then crosses the street.

  “Hey, you.”

  “Hey, baby.” I lean over and steal a kiss before she slings her bag around her body and mounts behind me.

  I unhitch her helmet from where it rested on the end of my bars and pass it back. I bought her the simple black open-facer on Tuesday, and by Wednesday night she had it decorated with one of her designs.

  “One of the guys at work wants you to do a helmet for his missus.”

  “Yeah?” She takes it with a smile and pops it on her head, fingers doing up the strap. “That’s cool.”

  Anything this girl sets her mind to is hers. I want her to understand that. Want her to make the most of her life, not waste it like I have.

  “You ready to get your shit?”

  She wraps her arms around my waist, tucking her feet on the pillion pegs. “So ready.”

  I ride to John’s with a new sense of ease. He might not be on board with this, but he hasn’t done anyth
ing yet to stop it either. We kept our respective distances over the week, and Belle didn’t seem to have any trouble either.

  Tonight is the first time I’ve been back here since I stopped by last Monday and told him to get fucked. It’s fair to say I’m feeling the nerves as I bring the bike to a stop beside his work truck.

  Another compact sits tucked behind Sharon’s. “Whose is that?”

  Belle frowns at the car as she dismounts. “I don’t know.” She wanders over to peer in the windows as she removes her helmet.

  “Might be a good thing.” I shrug before swinging my leg over the bike. “If your old man has a mate over, might keep him occupied while we get your stuff.”

  “Possibly.” Belle sets her helmet on the seat and takes a deep breath. “Let’s do this.” Her smile is wide as she reaches for me, setting her hands on my shoulders and pushing up on her toes for a kiss. “I want to wake up with you every day.”

  “Been waiting for you to say that for years.” I relish her taste, pulling her bottom lip between mine before letting her go. “Come on, then. Sooner we get this done, sooner we can get home and get you naked.”

  She laughs as we head for the front door, only to be headed off by John in the entrance. “Belle.” He steps outside, forcing us back a step. “Zeus.”

  “What are you doing, Dad?” Belle grins at her old man, but the uncertainty is clear.

  “I tried ringing you, but you didn’t pick up.”

  Belle reaches into her bag, saying as she does, “I probably didn’t hear it over the bike.”

  “What’s going on, J?”

  He jerks his head, indicating I should step aside. I follow him to the driveway as he instructs Belle to stay put.

  “Cerise is here,” he whispers. “You might want to just drop Belle off tonight and head home.”

  “Like fuck.” He thinks I’m throwing her in the lion’s den like that? “We’re here to get Belle’s stuff. That bitch showing her face doesn’t change anything.”

  He swallows, glancing back at Belle who frowns at the two of us. “You wouldn’t stay away from her when I asked you to, so I suppose it’ll be a long stretch to expect you to listen to me this time, huh?”

  “You got that right.” I catch Belle’s eye and give her a small nod. “Why is she here?”

  “Fuck knows.” He frowns.

  Something feels off. I’ve known John long enough to recognise when he’s withholding something. “You telling me she just showed up without any reason?”

  He nods. “Pretty much.” John’s eyes dart to Belle as he brings one shoulder up. “Cerise knows Belle is back. Maybe she wanted to see her for herself?”

  I call bullshit. Belle has been back for weeks. Her mother turning up here is no coincidence, and if I find out that John is fucking in on it…

  I sigh out my nose and then start for Belle. “Come on, J. Let’s get this shit over with.”

  “What’s going on?” Belle stares at the two of us, brow pinched.

  “Your mother’s here for a visit,” I say flatly. “Sooner we get this visit over and done with, sooner I can take you home where you belong.”

  So I can hold her in the fallout and piece her back together with the love and affection she deserves. Fuck.

  “I tried to warn you, sweetheart,” John murmurs.

  I eye him as he catches up to where we stand on the front step. He casts his gaze my way briefly before choosing to look at his daughter. What are you doing, J?

  “It’s okay, Dad.” Belle squares her shoulders. “She doesn’t scare me anymore.”

  The two of us exchange a look as Belle pushes the front door open and steps inside. Her voice carries back out to us as she says with almost believable surprise, “Oh. Hi, Cerise.”

  I walk in to find the bitch seated in the living room with Sharon, who looks as though she’s glad somebody is back to save her from the one-on-one.

  “What brings you over?” Belle asks, dropping her bag by the door.

  “You do.” Cerise clasps her hands in her lap, the picture-perfect guest. “But your father said you were at work.”

  “I was,” Belle grits out as I come to a stop behind her. “But I’m not here long either; I’m headed to Zeus’s.”

  I rest my hand between Belle’s shoulders. Cerise looks well, healthy even. There’s colour in her cheeks, and I’d almost say she’s put on weight since I last saw her.

  Her heart is still ugly though, that much is clear as she sneers at our contact. “You didn’t tell me it was this far along, John.”

  “There was no need to,” Sharon states.

  The two women exchange heated stares while I bore a hole in the side of my best friend’s head. What have they been talking about?

  I don’t know what the hell possessed John to stoop this fucking low, but I do know what’ll happen if we stick around to let him play out his childish game: as usual, Belle will be left in the crossfire.

  “Maybe you should fill your mother in on the trip home,” I tell Belle, “and I’ll go get your bags on the bike.” The faster I can make our impending getaway, the better.

  She nods, her hand finding mine briefly. “We won’t be long, babe.”

  “Ugh.” Cerise rolls her eyes. “You hosting sleepovers now, Zeus? Got the popcorn and nail polishes ready?”

  “More than you ever did for her,” I snap back.

  She appears suitably chastised as she slumps into her seat.

  With a nudge from Belle, I head down to her bedroom to collect her things. I’d much rather stick around, but like I said—the quicker the getaway the better.

  Two duffles sit packed on the bed; the surfaces in the room are clear although her childhood keepsakes remain. I draw a laden breath as I stand in the centre of the room, hands on my hips. Memories were made here. Lines were crossed. I still don’t know with one hundred per cent certainty whether that was a good or a bad thing.

  All I know is I’m still enough of a selfish prick that I wouldn’t change a thing, whatever the answer is.

  I heft the bags to my shoulders, twisting to get through the doorway, and then pause in the hall as the conversation filters through the house.

  “Tell me, John: Are you okay with this?” Cerise asks.

  “You know I’m not. But there isn’t a lot I can do about it.”

  “Dad,” Belle sighs. “Stop being mad at Zeus for what I want.”

  He takes me by surprise when he answers, “I’m mad at you, too.”

  “What?”

  “You spent two years dating Damien, and then you drop him within a week of getting back.”

  I edge closer, still out of sight, and keep listening.

  “I broke up with him because I don’t love him,” Belle protests. “I told you that. You want me to be unhappy?”

  “No,” John says. “I want you to spare a thought for the poor guy you used and tossed aside. I raised you better than to treat people like that.”

  “I didn’t use him,” Belle says quietly. “If anything, we used each other.”

  “It doesn’t make it better,” John reasons.

  “No. But neither does his behaviour.” Belle pauses before continuing. “It was bad enough that he decided to keep travelling rather than come back with me, but he fucking cheated on me, Dad. He shacked up with some blonde bitch while on his last trek. Do you have any idea how that made me feel, especially after how much grief I gave myself for not giving Damien a real go at things?”

  The fucker better make sure he never shows his face in this town, because so fucking help me….

  “I didn’t know that,” John says, quietly enough that I barely catch it.

  “Because I didn’t feel the need to tell everyone,” Belle explains. “I’m old enough to fight my own battles, Dad. Also old enough to choose who I want to be with.” She hesitates, before adding, “Ganging up on me about my choices isn’t going to alter them.”

  My heart hammers in my chest. I should go in there and back her
up, but a part of me argues that they’d likely stop if I did. I need to know more. I need this to develop organically so I can hear what Belle’s honest thoughts are.

  “Let me get this straight,” Cerise says. “You’ve only just broken up with that guy your dad told me about, and now you’re going to live with Zeus?”

  “Because I love him,” Belle says softly. “I always have.”

  “This is wrong, John,” Cerise protests. “You should have called me sooner.”

  I lift a foot to move, but Sharon’s interjection stills me. “He shouldn’t have called you at all. They love each other, don’t they? He takes good care of her. Where’s the problem?”

  “With all due respect,” Cerise says scathingly, “you’re rather new to this situation, so your opinion doesn’t hold much weight.”

  There’s a lag in the conversation where I imagine John’s lack of response backs up Cerise’s opinion.

  Interesting.

  “I still think you’re selling yourself short,” John says, presumably to Belle. “You’re so young, sweetheart, and there’s still so much you want to do.”

  “Am I not able to do it with Zeus?” she argues. Atta girl.

  “Look at him, Belle. Really take a look at him. He’s been to prison twice, for fuck’s sake.” So much for my best friend not giving a shit about my record. “He works on the road. What happens when his body gives out and he’s too old to do such physical labour?”

  “It’s not that far away, really,” Cerise snipes.

  I scowl, flexing in response. I’ve got plenty of years left in this body. I’m thirty-eight, not eighty.

  “How is he going to provide for you?” John continues. “He’ll be ready to wind down when you’re only just getting settled in life.”

  “Why does he have to provide for me?” Belle bites back. “I’m building my own business, my own worth.” The room falls quiet for a beat before she whispers, “Do you not think I can do it?”

  “I never said that,” John says.

  “It was implied.” Belle’s mood changes, the ice clear in her words. “We’ll be fine on our own. We’ve never needed anybody else’s approval, so why worry if we don’t have it now?”